A Little Bit About Me

I was diagnosed with ADD in 2003 and began taking medication. One of the reasons I decided to get diagnosed was because I had been in 3 car accidents in 2 months.  I was of course at fault each time.  When I'm in my car driving I have the tendency to space out.  I get that "how did I get here feeling."

In school I was the constant day dreamer. If something doesn't interest me I can't pay attention to it.  Reading a text book took me forever because I had to read each paragraph a hundred times before the material would sink in.  I started working at an office and was terrible at multitasking.  I would often walk around with documents and put them down somewhere and forget where I left them. Forget thinking back. That memory just wasn't there.

When I'm on the meds I can see the world around me a little clearer.  Things slow down a bit.  Otherwise, I feel like I'm on fast forward.  I hadn't noticed how fast I walk until I got pregnant with my first daughter and was forced to slow down.  I'm impatient.  My husband says I constantly interrupt him during conversations and it frustrates him.  I am very easily distracted.  I am impulsive. You know the verse from James, "Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger?"  That's not me.  If I get an idea for something I want to develop it right away, get overly excited about it and don't always finish. 

I am very disorganized although that has improved gradually in the last few years. I get satisfaction out of my husband finding things picked up and de-cluttered.  He doesn't have ADD.  I have that "if I can't do it right, I might as well not do it at all" mentality which I am working on.  I don't know if this has to do with ADD, but I hear constant chatter in my head.  Like a TV or radio was playing in the distance.  I can't stand a radio playing in the background because it sounds the same as that noise or static in my head.  My dog's snoring outside my door does the same thing. 

I find myself frozen sometimes when I'm overwhelmed because there is too much to do but don't know where to start.  Of course I'm a procrastinator.  Why do today what can be left til tomorrow.  Right? So often things remain undone...for a long time.  I love vintage stuff and love visiting antique malls, but it's hard to focus in on stuff sometimes because I don't see details if there is too much clutter.  The same goes for the racks of clothes at thrift store and the clearance racks at the mall. 

Photography calms me. Writing centers me. Reading takes me away from it all.  I love road trips.  Being outside of my world and discovering and exploring new places.  My husband can drive and doesn't miss a thing. Only in the passenger seat can I really take it all in and I still miss the deer he pointed out on the side of the road.