Thank you so much to everyone for your comments.  I have been having a difficult time lately.  I started to see a psychiatrist about a month ago.  He has diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder and put me on Seroquel and Zoloft for social anxiety.  The Seroquel was making me too drowsy, but it was really helpful with the racing thoughts.  The Zoloft made me feel so disconnected I could barely function.  I had to stop taking it.  I wasn't getting anything done.  I'm also seeing a therapist for the social anxiety.  Because I of the drowsiness the Dr. felt I should try Abilify instead of Seroquel.  He gave me a really low dose because I'm very sensitive to meds.  I didn't tolerate it well at all.  Just two days after I started to take it I had to stop because I was so nauseous and vomiting.  Plus, I had tremors, headaches, and list of other side effects.  It was awful. 

Another issue I'm having is that I don't understand why I am paying a psychiatrist to see me for 5 minutes and write a prescription AND paying a therapist for counseling.  That, and I don't understand if I have been treated for ADHD for 8 years and clearly have all the symptoms he decides to diagnose me with Bipolar Disorder instead.  So, I'm looking for another psychiatrist. 

This journey has been difficult, and I appreciate all your comments.  Thank you so much for sharing.  It's good to know I'm not the only one out there having this kind of trouble. 

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My Latest Goof

In our home the one that is responsible for paying the bills is my husband for obvious reasons.  The cell phone bill, however, is under my name.  Whenever the payment is late I am the one that receives a text to my cell phone saying that if we don't pay we will get disconnected.  I always call my husband, and he eventually takes care of it.  Last week, I received one of those texts and asked him if he wanted me to take care of it since last time we got charged a reconnection fee, and I knew that being at work he wouldn't be able to take care of it. 

I was feeling good that I was able to help him with thi,s and that it would be one less thing he would have to worry about.  I went online, looked up the bill and selected "pay now."  Of course, they ask if you want to pay the entire balance or just the past due balance.  I chose to pay the past due balance.  Everything was ok so far.  I chose my payment method, reviewed, and confirmed...oops!  As the screen was changing I realized that the payment was processed for the ENTIRE amount!  At some point it must have asked me again the amount I wanted to pay.  A detail I would have noticed if my brained would have slowed down long enough for me to have carefully reviewed the payment before confirming it.  My heart skipped a beat. We were now out almost $480!  Now what?!?!?  I couldn't believe it.  I had done it again.  All I could think of was my husband's reaction. 

I picked up the phone and called customer service.  The good news was they could refund the difference.  The bad news was it would take 4 business days and it was Thursday which meant it would actually be six days.  I told my husband what had happened when he came home.  He was clearly worried, but I explained to him that I had taken care of it and that the money would be back in our account soon. 

Luckily, this goof up has a happy ending.  I called our cell phone carrier today to check on the status of the refund, and they told me that it had been credited to our account.  I checked and the money has been there since Tuesday.  Thank God! With that resolved, I can breath easier.  I know I have to slow down and read everything more carefully, but sometimes I get over confident or I just run on automatic. 

Like just now.  I am defrosting some chicken breast for dinner.  The microwave beeped to turn it over.  I went through the whole process of reaching into the microwave, flipping them, closing the microwave and washing my hands while talking to my husband.  I then realized I hadn't turned the microwave back on.  I can't remember the actual action of flipping it though.  The only reason I know I did it is because I washed my hands so I must have touched it.  It's an awful feeling to know that I did something but can't remember it. 

Anyway, my goof up was resolved; and if I don't burn dinner tonight, it will be a good day.

A Whirlwind To Reckon With

This week, I have resolved to get back to work. I have a home business and a little online shop. Did I ever mention that? Well, I do, and this week I decided to get back to work on a new collection. So, in addition to getting back on task with my chore schedule, I have taken this on too. The two combined, plus a plethora of other daily tasks I have to stay on top of, has caused a cerebral whirlwind to be reckoned with. As I write this, I should be mopping the floors (one of the chores scheduled for Tuesdays. It is Tuesday, right? Well, it better be!). I started to move the chairs around our breakfast table but had to sit down when I felt light headed and woozy.

Yesterday wasn't much better either. I was sitting at the breakfast table working, as my husband came home from work. I had finally started some of the sewing on this project. Of course, I was hyperfocused, and his coming home meant it was time to get ready to go do groceries. The girls had to be woken up, changed and fed. I REALLY did NOT want to tear away from what I was doing--much less go do groceries--but somehow, I did. As I proceeded to the kitchen to get dinner ready, I began to have a panic attack. I couldn't breath and my chest felt tight. I froze in the middle of the kitchen. My husband held me for a moment. I couldn't even explain to him what I was feeling much less give him a give him a reason for it. I went to my comfy rocking chair, wrapped myself in a throw, and sat down. I sat there and just breathed deeply until I could think clearly. My husband took over dinner duty, and I was able to take my time getting going again.

I slowly began to relax and my thoughts felt like they were in order again. I got the girls ready, we ate, did groceries and came home. With all that done and over with, I was able to get back to work with a clearer head. And now...back to mopping...with a clearer head :) 

I'm really grateful for this outlet.  My putting all of this stuff out there into the void plus some of your responses really helps me cope and to sort through my thought and feelings.  So thank you dear void, and thanks to everyone out there reading this.

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Having A Bad Day!

Ok, so this week hasn't been a very good week for me. Life with ADD is such a roller coaster. Last week I was so energetic, optimistic and determined. This week I've been slow, and so unmotivated to do anything. I did get my upstairs loft area decluttered and straightened up. It really wasn't as bad I thought. It's still could use a dusting and a vacuuming which I should get to today. I've been keeping up with my chore schedule the best I can so it doesn't accumulate but it's not going as well as last week.

I've been researching ADD this week...again. ADD runs in my family, and I suppose I've looked at is a quirk more than as a disease so reading about it as such is pretty depressing. It's brought me down a lot, and I'm finding it hard to see the bright side of things today. I have found a lot of interesting articles about the subject, but I'm on information overload.

I didn't sleep very well last night, again. I'm starting to have trouble sleeping. I've been taking Tylenol PM to sleep and that helps sometimes, but I try not to use it all the time. My daughter has a toy camera that talks. Last night she insisted on sleeping with it. Well, every time she turned it would talk and wake everyone up. Finally, at 4 a.m. I went in there and took it away. Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well, and I think I may be feeling the effects of it. I am sluggish and developing a migraine.

It's been gloomy and rainy all week. That hasn't helped. I usually enjoy this kind of weather, but it does nothing for my energy and motivation.

My oldest daughter, who is almost 3, hasn't been taking her afternoon nap consistently. She has always been a good sleeper and that nap usually gives me 3-4 hours to myself. She does stay in her room playing quietly most of the time instead of napping. I just hope this doesn't mark the end of her nap time. I love her to death and she's a great kid but I need the time to myself.

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